It's the start of my off week at Fortress, so I have nine days to do basically whatever I want. Due to the prices of gasoline and plane tickets, whatever I do will have to be here in sunny Fort Worth/Arlington, TX, and not in Tennessee. Add to this the fact that half of my coworkers are out of town, and here I am with no plans for a week. Now, when I have no plans for a week, my mind starts to think, which is always dangerous. So here I am thinking in Texas, and I start to think about, of all things, the future. My future. These kinds of thinking sessions hardly ever end well, but I've got kind of a good feeling about this one.
But first, let's talk about Fortress. This off week could not have come at a better time. By the end of the third week of Summer JAM, I found myself tired. Not giving up, not really discouraged, not unhappy, just tired. My junior high kids (whom I still love after three weeks) were starting to get under my skin a little bit. They just would not do what I or the staff told them to do last week, and when they did, it was after rolling their eyes or making some kind of smart remark.
*I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to every (yes, every) teacher I had going up through school. I am beginning to realize just how big of a pain I was to each of you through the years. It must have been torture. I am truly sorry, and I know that you will all have a great reward on high for what you put up with.*
So I'm basically at the end of my rope with these kids by the end of the week. I even pull a kid aside and channel a little of my father, the master communicator of "you better buck up and start acting right" (the kid deserved it). I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, that glorious week of rest and rejuvenation. Standing in my way, however, is a 14-hour work day on Thursday, culminating with a 6 hour field trip to the sweltering Six Flags theme park. I'm kinda dreading it. The first half of the day is no cup of tea, but then comes the field trip. The kids are perfect. Looking back, it seems obvious that they're okay following the rules on the field trip. We took them to Six Flags, for goodness sake! What reason could they possibly have to disobey or disrespect us? So the day ends, everybody's happy, and everybody goes home.
C'mon, Zachary, what's with all the negativity? You wrote two (only two!?) positive sentences about the last two weeks at Fortress. Well, we're halfway through and these kids aren't perfect. I just guess I figured they would be, that I would swoop in and turn a bunch of inner-city junior highers into a group of perfect little middle class future businessmen and -women. Unfortunately (holy absent attitude adjustment, Batman!), I'm not a superhero, and they're still a bunch of inner-city junior highers. I don't know what I was thinking. Fortunately (and this is where it gets good), these kids who were born halfway down the road to lifelong poverty have been placed by their parents and by Fortress on a new path, one that leads to self-respect, education, and a better life than their parents had. It's a long path, and they're definitely not there yet, but I'm just lucky enough to get to see one or two steps along the way.
Now I'm back on long paths, the future, etc. This week, I want to decide what to be when I grow up (I'm actually not sure how much time I have before I'm grown up). So far, I've crossed off mobster, astronaut, and major leaguer; how hard could this be? A guy came to Fortress for a kind of career day. He said that a job should meet three requirements: 1) it should be something good, 2) it should be something fun, and 3) it should be something that makes good money. I agree with #1 completely. I agree with #2 only if #1 is true. I agree with #3 only if #1 and #2 are true. So first, I look for something that is good. I want to help people; that is good. Ok, #1 is settled. Now for something that is fun, something that I like. This is where I am stuck. (I'm not too worried about #3, since the groups that help people the most are usually classified as 501(c) non-profit.)
I also think that above all, kind of a rule #0, job or direction in life should be determined by the will of God. God has a plan. This is good because I love plans/order/detail. This is bad (in my mind) because I do not understand God's will. I do not have a chart or timeline of God's plan, and even if I did, it would be way over my head. Not knowking God's plan, I am left with the scary idea that there is a right choice to be made about my future. For me, a right choice implies an almost infinite number of wrong choices. I'm not the kind of guy who finds a lot of needles in haystacks, so this worries me. Luckily, I believe that God will one day hand me that needle, or lead me to it without my even realizing it.
Here's what I do know: I want to work with people, and I don't want to be in politics. When I say I want to help people, I mean people that probably won't get help otherwise. I just watched a documentary called The Human Experience. I highly recommend it, and it illustrates exactly the kind of people that I'm talking about. It's about two brothers, Jeff and Cliff, who decide that they want to find out what it truly is to be a human. Now, most of us know what it's like to be middle-class. If we're not middle-class ourselves, then we can see it at school or at work or in the media. And we've all seen how the wealthy live; TV and magazines are filled with the stories of the rich and famous. But these brothers, two boys who endured emotional abuse in their home as children, chose to document the humanity of the ignored, the abandoned, the outcast.
The first thing the brothers decide to do is to spend a week in the middle of winter living on the streets of Brooklyn, their hometown. They slept in boxes with a group of homeless men, they begged for food and for money, and they tried to figure out what made their new friends get up in the morning. Like most of the homeless folks I've encountered, these men and women accepted their situation, either willingly as part of God's plan or begrudgingly with a bottle in hand. Almost all of them had a message for the viewers of the film, and one man summed it up pretty perfectly: "They say, 'Oh, they aren't human.' Well, we're not automatons, either. We have blood, heart, mind, soul, and spirit." People, man. Humanity. I want to be a part of it.
Sidenote: I was out on Lancaster Avenue the other day for work, and I met a really cool guy. Unfortunately, I didn't get his name, but I really enjoyed talking to him. He mostly talked about traveling, how the experience, the aura, of Times Square can literally take your breath away, and how beautiful the monuments in D.C. are at night. Then he said something I didn't see coming: "I've had a really good life." Not what I expected at all. See, this guy doesn't have a job. He doesn't have a home. When we met, he was sitting on a bench outside the Union Gospel Mission on a stretch of Lancaster known as Homeless Row. When I think of the guys I've met down there, I don't usually think, "Man, they've had a good life." I think, "I love these guys, but I hope to God that I don't end up like them." How twisted is that? I have a home and a family and a job, I go to a great school, and yet I worry about my life, I complain about the tiniest things. But this guy, he is at peace with the world. He's had a good life. How beautiful is his heart? How ugly is mine?
The film's second experience takes the brothers to a children's home in Peru with Surfers for a Cause, a group of guys that surf around the world and volunteer in the communities that they visit. Watching this part of the film reminded me of the two weeks that I spent volunteering in Honduras during high school. It also was an encouragement to me, because I tend to think that no one is trying to make a difference in the lives of the broken. Of course they are, but they could still use an extra set of hands.
The final experience for the brothers was a trip to Ghana to visit a leper colony and to meet people suffering from HIV/AIDS. This part got me excited and upset at the same time. It was incredible to see the strength and trust in God displayed by a woman with AIDS and the mother of a child with AIDS. The people they interviewed were truly remarkable individuals. The segment in the leper colony is what upsets me. I liked what the guys with the film were doing (being love to the outcast), but the whole idea of the leper colony doesn't sit right with me at all. One of the guys in the film said he didn't know that leper colonies still existed. The fact that Hansen's Disease, which can be cured in as little as 6 months, is still a curse and a life sentence for millions of people today, and that many of the people best equipped to help don't even know about it, makes me sick. It's a cause that I've given thought to before. Who knows, you guys may be witness to an important moment for me, right here in this blog post. Wouldn't that be something?
Well, I may be a little closer to finding out what I want to be when I grow up. We may figure this out by the end of the week after all. Maybe I won't figure it out for years. But if I just try to listen for God's voice in all this and follow his path for me, then I'll be able to say I've had a really good life, whether I have a home or a job or not.
Thanks for listening to my rambling, guys, it means a lot. Love always and God bless. Zachary
But first, let's talk about Fortress. This off week could not have come at a better time. By the end of the third week of Summer JAM, I found myself tired. Not giving up, not really discouraged, not unhappy, just tired. My junior high kids (whom I still love after three weeks) were starting to get under my skin a little bit. They just would not do what I or the staff told them to do last week, and when they did, it was after rolling their eyes or making some kind of smart remark.
*I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to every (yes, every) teacher I had going up through school. I am beginning to realize just how big of a pain I was to each of you through the years. It must have been torture. I am truly sorry, and I know that you will all have a great reward on high for what you put up with.*
So I'm basically at the end of my rope with these kids by the end of the week. I even pull a kid aside and channel a little of my father, the master communicator of "you better buck up and start acting right" (the kid deserved it). I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, that glorious week of rest and rejuvenation. Standing in my way, however, is a 14-hour work day on Thursday, culminating with a 6 hour field trip to the sweltering Six Flags theme park. I'm kinda dreading it. The first half of the day is no cup of tea, but then comes the field trip. The kids are perfect. Looking back, it seems obvious that they're okay following the rules on the field trip. We took them to Six Flags, for goodness sake! What reason could they possibly have to disobey or disrespect us? So the day ends, everybody's happy, and everybody goes home.
C'mon, Zachary, what's with all the negativity? You wrote two (only two!?) positive sentences about the last two weeks at Fortress. Well, we're halfway through and these kids aren't perfect. I just guess I figured they would be, that I would swoop in and turn a bunch of inner-city junior highers into a group of perfect little middle class future businessmen and -women. Unfortunately (holy absent attitude adjustment, Batman!), I'm not a superhero, and they're still a bunch of inner-city junior highers. I don't know what I was thinking. Fortunately (and this is where it gets good), these kids who were born halfway down the road to lifelong poverty have been placed by their parents and by Fortress on a new path, one that leads to self-respect, education, and a better life than their parents had. It's a long path, and they're definitely not there yet, but I'm just lucky enough to get to see one or two steps along the way.
Now I'm back on long paths, the future, etc. This week, I want to decide what to be when I grow up (I'm actually not sure how much time I have before I'm grown up). So far, I've crossed off mobster, astronaut, and major leaguer; how hard could this be? A guy came to Fortress for a kind of career day. He said that a job should meet three requirements: 1) it should be something good, 2) it should be something fun, and 3) it should be something that makes good money. I agree with #1 completely. I agree with #2 only if #1 is true. I agree with #3 only if #1 and #2 are true. So first, I look for something that is good. I want to help people; that is good. Ok, #1 is settled. Now for something that is fun, something that I like. This is where I am stuck. (I'm not too worried about #3, since the groups that help people the most are usually classified as 501(c) non-profit.)
I also think that above all, kind of a rule #0, job or direction in life should be determined by the will of God. God has a plan. This is good because I love plans/order/detail. This is bad (in my mind) because I do not understand God's will. I do not have a chart or timeline of God's plan, and even if I did, it would be way over my head. Not knowking God's plan, I am left with the scary idea that there is a right choice to be made about my future. For me, a right choice implies an almost infinite number of wrong choices. I'm not the kind of guy who finds a lot of needles in haystacks, so this worries me. Luckily, I believe that God will one day hand me that needle, or lead me to it without my even realizing it.
Here's what I do know: I want to work with people, and I don't want to be in politics. When I say I want to help people, I mean people that probably won't get help otherwise. I just watched a documentary called The Human Experience. I highly recommend it, and it illustrates exactly the kind of people that I'm talking about. It's about two brothers, Jeff and Cliff, who decide that they want to find out what it truly is to be a human. Now, most of us know what it's like to be middle-class. If we're not middle-class ourselves, then we can see it at school or at work or in the media. And we've all seen how the wealthy live; TV and magazines are filled with the stories of the rich and famous. But these brothers, two boys who endured emotional abuse in their home as children, chose to document the humanity of the ignored, the abandoned, the outcast.
The first thing the brothers decide to do is to spend a week in the middle of winter living on the streets of Brooklyn, their hometown. They slept in boxes with a group of homeless men, they begged for food and for money, and they tried to figure out what made their new friends get up in the morning. Like most of the homeless folks I've encountered, these men and women accepted their situation, either willingly as part of God's plan or begrudgingly with a bottle in hand. Almost all of them had a message for the viewers of the film, and one man summed it up pretty perfectly: "They say, 'Oh, they aren't human.' Well, we're not automatons, either. We have blood, heart, mind, soul, and spirit." People, man. Humanity. I want to be a part of it.
Sidenote: I was out on Lancaster Avenue the other day for work, and I met a really cool guy. Unfortunately, I didn't get his name, but I really enjoyed talking to him. He mostly talked about traveling, how the experience, the aura, of Times Square can literally take your breath away, and how beautiful the monuments in D.C. are at night. Then he said something I didn't see coming: "I've had a really good life." Not what I expected at all. See, this guy doesn't have a job. He doesn't have a home. When we met, he was sitting on a bench outside the Union Gospel Mission on a stretch of Lancaster known as Homeless Row. When I think of the guys I've met down there, I don't usually think, "Man, they've had a good life." I think, "I love these guys, but I hope to God that I don't end up like them." How twisted is that? I have a home and a family and a job, I go to a great school, and yet I worry about my life, I complain about the tiniest things. But this guy, he is at peace with the world. He's had a good life. How beautiful is his heart? How ugly is mine?
The film's second experience takes the brothers to a children's home in Peru with Surfers for a Cause, a group of guys that surf around the world and volunteer in the communities that they visit. Watching this part of the film reminded me of the two weeks that I spent volunteering in Honduras during high school. It also was an encouragement to me, because I tend to think that no one is trying to make a difference in the lives of the broken. Of course they are, but they could still use an extra set of hands.
The final experience for the brothers was a trip to Ghana to visit a leper colony and to meet people suffering from HIV/AIDS. This part got me excited and upset at the same time. It was incredible to see the strength and trust in God displayed by a woman with AIDS and the mother of a child with AIDS. The people they interviewed were truly remarkable individuals. The segment in the leper colony is what upsets me. I liked what the guys with the film were doing (being love to the outcast), but the whole idea of the leper colony doesn't sit right with me at all. One of the guys in the film said he didn't know that leper colonies still existed. The fact that Hansen's Disease, which can be cured in as little as 6 months, is still a curse and a life sentence for millions of people today, and that many of the people best equipped to help don't even know about it, makes me sick. It's a cause that I've given thought to before. Who knows, you guys may be witness to an important moment for me, right here in this blog post. Wouldn't that be something?
Well, I may be a little closer to finding out what I want to be when I grow up. We may figure this out by the end of the week after all. Maybe I won't figure it out for years. But if I just try to listen for God's voice in all this and follow his path for me, then I'll be able to say I've had a really good life, whether I have a home or a job or not.
Thanks for listening to my rambling, guys, it means a lot. Love always and God bless. Zachary
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